I Need You to be With Me

Our presence means much more to our children than we imagine.

Isaac didn’t want to go to his Wu Shu lessons because there were many parents who were observing their children and I chose to drop him and went off to workout in the gym. This continued for several weeks before my wife found out.

‘Why didn’t you tell me you need me to be around?’

‘I didn’t want you to be disappointed’ he confessed reluctantly.

I assumed my presence matters little to my seemingly independent son and was mistaken. Though Isaac is expressive and sometimes demanding, he can be considerate and sensitive to those he loves.

Moses is one who greatly desires God’s presence.

‘Then Moses said to him, “If your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?”‘ Exodus 33:15-16

Can I Have a Voice, an Opinion & a Choice?

It is a basic need to have a voice; an opinion and the freedom to make one’s own choice. While those who are deprived may not appreciate such a concern, taking away such a freedom from those who have been accustomed to it is akin to taking away something ‘Essentially Human’ from them. May the human spirit prevail against the desire to control or quench it.

Sometimes, as an insensitive and overbearing parent, I would ask my son which bag he would like and eventually overrode his choice. ‘Blue is better, green is so awful.’ Ask him which school he wants to be enrolled into though I had made up my mind. ‘You can only choose what I allow you to choose.’ Despite our best interest, as the child grows up, he needs to make his own choice and learns of its consequence.

God did not create us to behave like robots. He gives us a choice; to choose between good and evil, to choose Him or another. Can you imagine someone who has never made a choice in his entire life? What kind of a person will he be? I used to ponder why Adam and Eve chose to eat from the tree God told them not to. How hard can it be to avoid eating from a single tree when there are so many others? But I realised that I am very much in a similar situation. The choice is always there to choose something that God disapproves; it is a daily battle to wake up and choose what is ‘good’, to avoid my ‘Tree of the knowledge of good and evil’.

However, there is something indescribably beautiful when one makes a difficult choice. “I choose Daddy over anything you can give me” and I think that is what God desires more than anything else.

‘Does the LORD delight in burnt offering and sacrifices as much as obeying the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.’

Curious & Dissatisfied – The Maze Runner

I was ‘persuaded’ to watch ‘The Maze Runner’ and was reminded of a series of questions I had long ago.

Who placed me here?
What is my purpose here on Earth?
Surely, my existence can’t just consist of spending 70 or 80 or even 90 years on Earth and then vanish into a state of nothingness?
What happens after I breathe my last?

Like in the maze, we seem trap in a confined place and being put to a test of some sort.
Like Gary in the movie, after I entered the workforce, I am so caught up with getting a comfortable life that I find myself preoccupied mainly with living well in the Maze.

Does our Creator give us any clues about Himself?
‘since what may be known about God is plain to them,
because God has made it plain to them.
For since the creation of world God’s invisible qualities
– his eternal power and divine nature –
have been clearly seen,
being understood from what was being made,
so that men are without excuse.’ Romans 1:19-20

Like the Maze in the movie, we can draw some conclusions from the wonder of nature, the grand mountains, valleys and constellations; the wonder of life, the billions of cells that formed the human body, that there must be Someone behind all these.

May all of us be like Thomas, curious, dissatisfied and always believed that there is more to life than to be satisfied with life in the Maze.

Giving to God

Giving to religious organisations and charities has been a much discussed topic. Does it matter to God when one misappropriates the money that is given in good faith to help the poor?

This is what God told the High Priest, Eli, when his sons took for themselves what was offered to the Living God: ‘Why do you honor your sons more than me… Therefore the Lord, the God of Israel, declares: ‘Those who honor me I will honor, but those who despise me will be disdained. The guilt of Eli’s house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.’

I Can’t Wait!

‘I am an impatient person’ is an understatement as far as I am concerned. On Mon, I lost my car key and was ‘forced’ to wait for a bus home. For a good 34 years, I have been taking the public transport and it has taught me a few things.

Waiting is a virtue seriously lacking in me and having my own transport reinforces my impatient spirit. Similarly, armed with my ‘smart’ phone, my ability to wait for someone or something has never been so severely tested. Though I have retrieved my car, I am in need of constant reminders of how impatient I can be and the value of a kind and patient heart.

‘Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.’

Taking What Belongs to God

Giving to religious organisations and charities has been a much discussed topic. Does it matter to God when one misappropriates the money that is given in good faith to help the poor?

This is what God told the High Priest, Eli, when his sons took for themselves what was offered to the Living God: ‘Why do you honor your sons more than me… Therefore the Lord, the God of Israel, declares: ‘Those who honor me I will honor, but those who despise me will be disdained. The guilt of Eli’s house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.’

Misunderstanding Literature

I think Literature is a very much misunderstood subject and has gotten a bad and undeserved reputation.

As a sec student, I was fearful and saw Lit as a subject that was beyond me. There was no certain way to ensure I can do well or even pass. In fact, despite my best effort to pass the subject, I didn’t do well, not that my other subjects were any better.

By a surprising twist of events, I ended up teaching Lit in a secondary school. I believe I learnt more than I taught! I began to realise that it opened a window to my suppressed feelings and emotions. It is one of the few subjects that encourages students to express their opinions and create meaning from their unique perspectives.

My teaching experience also dispelled the myth that Lit is not meant for boys. Quite the contrary, boys need it all the more cause they tend to keep their feelings to themselves. If we do not allow avenues for their inner emotions to be heard, it will show itself in ways we do not prefer. I have seen boys who were skeptical about Lit becoming passionate about it and gave insightful comments that surprised me.

It is really sad that the numbers taking Lit is declining as schools prefer to do away with a subject that pulls down their ave score. Education is more than a good psle or O levels and I can only pray that my children will grow to love and appreciate Lit as a subject that makes them understand life and the human experience.

Heavenly Citizenship

What would you consider as the mark of a Singaporean? How do we know for certain if one is a citizen of Singapore, one who is ‘Our People’?

An identification card, passport, Singlish, or one who can recite our pledge flawlessly?

How do we know if one is a citizen of heaven, if we will be accepted by the One who created us?

Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again… Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit… The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”

P1 Registration & Admission to Heaven

P1 registration is a stressful exercise for many. Schools admit students based on a variety of reasons and to make the whole process much more ‘exciting’ and unpredictable, balloting is conducted for the more popular ‘good schools’.

Thankfully, my admission to heaven does not depend on who my parents are, the neighborhood I reside or the abilities I possess. My hope to a heavenly citizenship rests solely in this: ‘Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die.’

A State of Happiness

In sec 3, I discussed the meaning of my existence with my best friend and I concluded that HAPPINESS is my ultimate aim since I cannot be certain that there is a God who created me. This led me on to a path of neglecting my studies, indulging in basketball and computer games.

Over the years, my notion of HAPPINESS has gone through many revisions. Recently, I came across an uplifting Chinese song about ‘The Practice of Happiness’. I shall attempt to translate the chorus.

‘As I advanced in years,
I become indifference
and built up
a wall of defense around me
thinking that this would enable me
to savour the happiness
I once lost.

Then I came to a realization that
the state of contentment,
being passionate and yet humble
with sincere thanksgiving from the heart
is such a priceless and unspeakable joy.

I am convinced that
as I put in that extra bit of effort,
persevere despite all my failings,
I shall find a Friend
in my moment of
great sorrow and disappointment.
I am also of the belief that
one should stay
if love can be found,
should pursue
if there is a dream within you,
even if failure stares at you
right in the face.
This is truly
A HAPPINESS that
shall never depart.’

Like Habakkuk, I found such a happiness in God.
‘Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.’

And if I can add,
‘Though I fail all my exams,
and there is no money in the bank,
and all my investments fail,
and all my loved ones
and friends forsake me,
yet …’

What Do I Thirst After?

It is a great discipline to fast from dawn to dusk. We live in a world of instant gratification, we want it, and we want it NOW! There is no holiness and purity without the willingness to deny our natural inclinations. No one who is unwilling to engage in an all out struggle/war with his desires has any hope of living a life God requires.

How frequent do I thirst after the presence of God? Not much, more often than not, like Adam, I long after things that God does not permit; my soul thirsts after the forbidden fruit.

‘For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.’

I Tried My Best

Have you ever tried your very best and it is still not good enough? Despite your best effort to please your parents, bosses, teachers, friends, GF, BF, spouse, children… they are still displeased with you?

I was given a painful lesson I will never forget during my polytechnic education. To have done all I could and ended up failing terribly was like a deep stab to my proud and arrogant heart. Those who have never experienced failure when the stakes are high will find it hard to understand.

‘For this is what the high and lofty One says – he who lives forever, whose name is holy: “I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.’

The All Knowing God and His Love

 

Many said to me today, ‘I disabled my FB account cos my parents monitor me thru it.’

I have a Father
who knows everything I did
and will ever do;
knows all my inner thoughts
and my selfish ways.
And yet, surprisingly,
he still loves me and accepts me!

I can only hope that
my children have the confidence
that they will have my love
regardless of what they do.

This is the love shown to me from above:
‘Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you
will not be shaken
not my covenant of peace be removed,”
says the LORD,
who has compassion on you.’

Learning to Say NO

‘Why are you downcast,
O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?’

How often do I desire the presence of God?
Not much.
Like Adam, I thirst after things forbidden.
My soul longs after what God does not permit.

It is indeed an important discipline
to restrain my physical needs
to say no to my natural inclinations.
I think about those
who can go without food
for the entire the day.
Learning to say no
is so important to
living a holy life.

‘Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.’

No Longer Called Servants

With the recent discussion about what is happening to ‘our’ money, I thought of a conversion I had with my son. There was a time that whenever he wanted to buy something, we will tell him we had no money.

One day, when I repeated those words to him, he asked sincerely, ‘Daddy, are we very poor? Why is it that you always have no money? Didn’t you go to work? Does your company not pay you?’ I laughed…

and realized that he really believed we were at our last dollar and it was affecting his self esteem. That day, I decided to tell him how much money we had, which house we were dreaming of getting (and is still dreaming) and the need to save so that we can live comfortably. Isaac began to understand the benefits of delayed gratification and attached a cost to things he would like to have. It is easy to dismiss a child and to spend time explaining is tiresome but ‘train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.’

‘I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.’

John 15:15

Your Love For Me is Wonderful

God has given me a wonderful son. Yesterday, he told me I am a very important person to him and if he has a choice he would like to ‘marry’ me. I laughed. What a sincere and precious boy. If only l can relate to God like how Isaac appreciates me.

When I left HK a week earlier, my in-laws asked him if he would like to stay in HK longer, but to their disappointment, Isaac would rather return to Singapore to be with his daddy. When they tried to entice him with Disneyland and other incentives, he replied, ‘Daddy is more important than all these!’

‘Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women. 2 Sam 1:26

The Darkness is My Closest Friend

We live in a world where
we are constantly looking to share
the great food we are eating,
the wonderful holiday we have had,
the loving gestures that others do to appreciate us.

While it is great to enjoy the precious moments
life bestows on us,
my thoughts are with the parents
who tried very hard to be
the best parents they can
but go unappreciated day after day,
the teachers who gave off his/her best
but only to stare at discouragement in the face,
the students who work their socks off
only to see red over and over again.

More often than not
my life is very different from
the many Facebook posts I see
and it can be rather depressing
when ‘darkness is my closest friend’…

‘when I tried to understand all this,
it was oppressive to me
till I entered the sanctuary of God…
as for me,
it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge
I will tell of all your deeds’.

A God Who Hears and Responds

I worship a God who hears and responds to me.
Last Sunday during class,
I was asked by a 10 yr old girl,
“How do you know God is real?”
I was startled for a while and I told her,
“We simply believe God is real and talk to Him to find out.”
I am not sure if that was the best answer,
but God has been very kind to me
when I seek Him in my ‘times’ of need.

Tonight, I wandered alone in the streets of HK
trying to find a place to watch 2 football matches at 11pm.
When I lost all hope and told God how disappointed I was,
I looked up at saw a signboard which says ’24hr wifi’.
I took the lift to the 3rd floor and
surprisingly found a majong place
where they screened the match.

After the first match,
the person switched to another channel
and I had no choice but to return home.
To my great horror,
my maid latched the gate
and I was locked out of the apartment!
In my anguish, I asked God, “WHY?”
and decided to return to the shop
hoping they would screen the 2nd match
cos ,now, I am a homeless wanderer in a foreign land.
Thankfully, it was showing and before the match ended,
my wife somehow woke up, saw my missed calls
and I can return home.

As I ponder over this,
I realised that through a miraculous turn of events,
I got to watch the game I wanted
and had a place to return after 3.30am.
I shall alway remember this night
where all things worked out beautifully for me.
And this I believe is because
Someone looked down from above with ‘loving kindness’
and had great compassion on a poor soul.
‘I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.’ (Psalm 116:1, 2)

The Lover of my Soul

I yearn for intimacy
yet dread the expectation
that comes with it.

I long to be desired
but shun the accountability
such a relationship demands

I hope to share
my deepest feelings and thoughts
though the fear of being
vulnerably exposed is horribly real.

The heart is deceitful
above all things and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
Jeremiah 17:9

Many claim to have unfailing love,
but a faithful person who can find?
Proverbs 20:6

May we find the true lover of our souls this Valentine day!

Honesty Before God

We lost a book my son took home from the childcare centre and I discovered that he has been telling his teacher he forgot to bring his book when he couldn’t find it.
‘I was afraid that the teacher will scold me,’ explained Isaac.
Does he plan to tell a lie a day to delay the wrath of his teacher? It is so instinctive to conveniently tell a lie to cover up our sins.

Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin. (Psalm 32:1-5 NIV)