ARE WE NOT EQUALS ?

I hate the air of superiority you display,
that you are here
to offer your ‘great’ service to us, 
that we should be eternally grateful
for your presence.

I detest your insistence
to take a picture for every gift
you gave out of your ‘great’ compassion.
You are more concerned
with showing everyone
your ‘great’ sacrifice and effort
than to serve us and our community,
it seems.

Though we may be struggling
to make ends meet,
Like you, we are
members of the human race
and may not be inferior to you
in terms of intellect,
ability and perseverance.

While we may have benefited
from your many gifts to the ‘poor’,
we wish to be treated
with a certain degree of
dignity and respect.

You left us with the knowledge
that you have served
someone less fortunate.
We are left with
our self-esteem battered and bruised.
We have to lower ourselves before you
however unwilling we may be
because our of great need.

Life has been unkind to us
and what you did
was far from the empathy
we desire.

 

COMMUNITY SERVICE ???

 

You came into my
simple and ordinary life
and showered me with
a love, attention and care
I had never experienced.

As we interacted and shared our lives,
we opened our hearts
sincerely to one another
and a deep friendship was formed.

As I gave my heart to you,
like I never did before,
came the time you had to depart.

Separation was emotional for both of us
and with broken hearts and tears,
you deserted me for a place
beyond the means of my reach
despite the ache and pain in my heart.

Is it fair for you to come
and took my sincere love
when you are aware
you will be leaving
in a blink of an eye
and leave me wounded
in the deepest part?

My Fathering Attempt

Next Friday marks the 9th year
I survived as a father.
On 30 June 2008, 6pm,
I held a bundle of newborn cells
in my arms and
knew a great responsibility
awaits before me.
One that consists of
countless sleepless nights,
the forfeiting of my personal time
and dream holidays
and the heartaches that
comes with parenting
on a full time basis.

Despite the seemingly loss,
I have gained 2 lovely souls
who look to me
for their entire well being,
who greeted me heartily
when I return home,
who took my decision
as a decree from above (at times)
and trust me with all their hearts.

Last night, I confessed to my son
that there was a time
when I prefer to be
without any children,
without him and his sister
but 9 years into this,
they have made me
changed my mind.
Even if I had a choice
9 years ago,
with the knowledge that
God will bless me
with 2 such wonderful children,
I will never give up
the privilege of fathering them
over anything in the world.

After 9 long years,
when I struggle with the decision
to shower love or to instill discipline,
to punish or to counsel,
to allow screen time or
to let them do without,
I experience the inadequacies
King Solomon felt when he wrote…

“Now, LORD my God,
you have made me …
(father over these 2 children).
But I am only a little child
and do not know
how to carry out
my duties (as a father).
So give your servant
a discerning heart
to govern your people
and to distinguish
between right and wrong.
For who is able
to govern this
great people of yours?”
‭‭1 Kings‬ ‭3:7-9‬ ‭NIV

Yelling Doesn’t Affect Me? Of Course IT DOES!

I stood motionless and emotionless
as you demonstrated
your full range of gestures and emotions.
I was shaking in fear
the first time it happened.
But now, I am used to
your shouts and screams.
I have built up a resistance
against your fiery threats.
I have learnt to numb my heart
to your cruel words
and I am not fearful of it.

There is a reluctance in me
to seek anything that pleases you.
Much more than
the absence of the slightest
intrinsic motivation in me,
is the presence of
an extrinsic motivation
that I do not want to subscribe to
and every cell in me insist
I do not give in to your demands,
however valid it may be.
My pride is hurt and my heart is broken
and to comply
will be my ultimate disgrace.

A Toast to that Dreamer

A journey to ‘LaLa Land’
has awakened the spirit
that does not give a care
to the opinion of this world,
has reignited the flame
I thought once lost,
has rekindled the desire
to be consumed by a cause
greater than mere existence.

A toast to that dreamer
who stays true to his heart,
in the face of criticism
from within and without,
despite the foolishness
so apparent to the seemingly ‘wise’,
standing up to the heartaches
that show up uninvited
in the quietness
of the night.

While many were subdued
in the cruel game of life
and settled for
a more trodden path,
it is equally hard ,
if not more,
to content with the longings
of an aching heart
in the knowledge
that you have been false
to what is in your
innermost part.

The Source of My Trust

The Cambridge Dictionary defines Democracy as ‘a country in which power is held by elected representatives of the people’.
What if no suitable representative is put forward? I think most voters do not feel empowered in the slightest sense of the word when the main discussion centers around who is the lesser evil.

If I put all my trust
in Democracy and the leaders
the people ‘choose’,
believing that they will
make the right decisions for us,
I will be terribly disillusioned.

“Woe to those who
go down to Egypt for help,
who rely on horses,
who trust in the multitude
of their chariots
and in the great strength
of their horsemen,
but do not look to
the Holy One of Israel,
or seek help from the Lord.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭31:1‬

My trust is in the one whose
‘dominion is an eternal dominion;
whose kingdom endures from
generation to generation.
The one who measured the waters
in the hollow of his hand,
and with the breadth of his hand,
marked off the heavens …
Before him, the nations
are like a drop in a bucket,
are as dust on the scales.’
Daniel: 4:34-35, Isaiah 40: 12-15

A Respectable Member of the Community & The Train to Busan

I was persuaded to watch this Korean zombie movie
and did not expect it to be so profound and insightful.
It portrays the ills of our modern indifferent society
where we become more and more isolated in thoughts and deeds.
When faced with a life and death situation,
how will one react to it?

A concerned father’s to his daughter,
“In situations like these, take care of yourself first,
don’t care about others.”
“You always care about yourself,
that was why Mum left you,”
came the reply from his unimpressed girl.
Most are us are self preserving by nature
and this movie challenges me to think of the sort person
I really am.

Two scenes stood out for me.
First, a little girl expresses concern for a group of strangers
and refuses to leave with her daddy.
The second, another girl,
who would rather be with her friend
than a group of individuals
who has no respect for the life of others
than their own.

Although I profess to
value others above self,
the common good
over personal gain,
when it comes to a crunch,
I am likely to think of myself
and my loved ones over
the plight of others.

This movie explicitly illustrates how our society
is going to become
if everyone puts self interest above all else.

Personally, like the
uncaring and selfish father,
who has undergone a 180 degree transformation,
I hope to show my children
what it is like to be
a responsible and respectable member
of our community.
To be a father,
a role model,
they can be proud of.

I Spoke to My Heart …

My fragile heart,
Why do you speak
in a language
I understand not?
Why is it that, you,
the essence of who I am,
behaves and reacts
in a manner beyond
my control and comprehension?

My rational mind,
how could you speak
in such a cold and unfeeling tone?
Why are you
so indifferent to me
and what brings joy
to my bruised and battered soul?

If I should train myself to
numb the crying
of my depressed heart,
close my ears to its beating
and unregulated promptings,
learn to exclude my feelings
in my decision making
and perfect the art of silencing
the voice from within,
an easier and less sorrowful path
may awaits me,
but I will lose an important part
of what constitutes me.

To be attentive to my heart
is to be vulnerable,
to be in need,
and to be open
to the possibility of being hurt
in the innermost place
over and over again.

To listen and feel the struggle
and learn to say NO
to what it is proposing
may take a lifetime.
But such an endeavour
allows me to
find solace in the One
who ‘formed me
in my mother’s womb’
and find comfort in the One
who promised to
‘wipe away every tear
from “our” eyes.’

‘Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him
My Savior and my God. – Psalms 42:5

Overcoming All Odds – Leicester

Once in a while, we are reminded that desire and the willingness to work hard are more important than the best money can buy. This is why people are attracted to the sport. With sheer determination and passion, we want to believe that one can rise against the odds and achieve the impossible.

If Leicester City can be Champions,
there is no reason to think that
I cannot achieve what I aspire to do

when there is no money, no support,
from parents, friends and loved ones,

when the odds are stacked against me
and everyone expects me to fail,

when people are likely to dismiss the
smallest hint of success that comes my way
and think that it is only luck and it won’t last.

Though it is really once in a million years
that a team like Leicester City gets to be Champion,
it is all the more sweeter and beautiful.

Anyone remembers Istanbul 2005?

The Church & its Worshippers

 

 

Your magnificent and majestic churches
gave me an avalanche of emotions.
Your rich heritage and history
of the Protestant Reformation
shaped the faith we received.

While the beautiful
cravings and paintings
illustrates the faith
of your fathers of yesteryears,
there is a lack of worshipers
in the beautifully decorated cathedrals,
that swept my heart away.
They looked so
lifeless and empty
without those who worship
‘in spirit and in truth’.

The realisation that the church
is merely not
a building or infrastructure
but a people of the same faith,
has never been so visually
impressed upon me.

Is my faith in a
similar and sorry state?
Do I isolate it
in a corner of my heart
while I am preoccupied
with ‘getting along in life’,
whatever it might be?

“This is what the LORD says:
‘Heaven is my throne,
and the earth is my footstool.
Where is the house
you will build for me?
Where will my resting place be?
Has not my hand made all these things,
and so they came into being?’
declares the LORD.

‘These are the ones
I look on with favour:
those who are humble
and contrite in spirit,
and who tremble at my word.”
Isaiah 66:1-2

If I Believe God is …

If I believe that God is love
and desire the best for me…

I should have the confidence
that whatever comes my way
will eventually work out for me.

If I profess to put my trust in a God
who is all powerful and all knowing…

I should have the courage
to stare at difficulties and hardships
and be certain that I will
overcome them with His strength.

If God is indeed sovereign and in control,
I ought to ‘rest in the shadow of the Almighty’,
I ought to ‘find refuge under His wings.’

More often than not,
I am consumed and overwhelmed
by what life throws at me
because I try to live a life
based on my preference and inclinations.

“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you will have none of it.
You said, ‘No, we will flee on horses.’
Therefore you will flee!…
A thousand will flee
at the threat of one;
at the threat of five
you will all flee away…
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;
he rises to show you compassion.
For the LORD is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him!”

If I Will Not Die for …

Is there something really worth dying for?

if I will not …
die for my country,
die for my loved ones
die for my values, belief
and faith.

If I …
believe in the survival of the fittest,
believe it is every man for himself,
believe in the worst of the human race
and it is beyond redemption.

Then like what Martin Luther said,
‘if you’ve got nothing worth dying for,
you’ve got nothing worth living for’
Life will be empty and meaningless.

Is there someone who is willing to die for me?
Will my mother, wife, children or anyone
consider me worthy to die on my behalf?
How certain can we be?
Human relationships are fragile
and we often fail each other
in our greatest time of need.

‘If Jesus Christ be God
and died for me,
then no sacrifice can be too great
for me to make for Him.’
CT Studd

HE Came, HE Saw & HE Gave

During supper, my friend shared about how a church helped 2 of his friends to settle debts mounting to $40000 from a loan shark and how churches will go to great lengths to get people to join them. I did not know what to say then but as I pondered over the incident, I began to think that $40000 is really insignificant compared to what the HEAD of the church did for all of us.

Like his friend, I was bankrupt, helpless and overwhelmed with debts I could not pay even if I worked for a million years. Someone came and gave everything He had to settle my debt of sin. This, to me, is the essence of the Christian message.

Though it may sound too simplistic and fairy tale like to many, those who believed in this Person are those who do not think that they are good enough or can ever be good enough for Him who created us and are putting all our hopes on His death some 2016 years ago for our life after death.

“I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die” John 11:25

Unlike Napoleon who came, saw and conquered, Jesus came, saw and He gave his life so that all who ‘receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.”

John 1:12-13 NIV

Charlie & the Chocolate Factory & Me

My thoughts on Roald Dahl’s
‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’.

I think of…
the offer to go to the factory
as compared to
the offer to heaven from God.
Did I treat it too lightly?
What kind of an offer
is a permanent residence in heaven
compared to such a trip?
Yet I don’t often think or yearn for it.
Were God to wrap his offer
in a box of candy,
how unfair it can be
to those who can’t afford it.
But God presented his offer
in the form of a worn out body on a cross
and offer his friendship to anyone
who will trust Him.

I think of…
Charlie’s rejection of the offer
to be heir of the factory.
Of course it is to be admired.
He chose family before
wealth and his love for chocolate.
But what if the person is someone
who has created him,
loves him with an everlasting love
and has died for him,
would anyone say ‘No’ to such a request?
What kind of a decision will that be?

I think of …
Wonko’s hurt.
He has not put in a lot
but felt terribly dejected
when Charlie said no
to his wonderful offer.
If Someone took the trouble
to be born in a low stable
and go thru all sort of hurt and humiliation
in order to present to us
the best offer he can,
what kind of hurt
HE must have gone thru
when people say ‘No’ to Him?

I think of…
how beautiful it is to be in need.
Though Charlie is so poor,
yet his spirit is something
that the rich cannot buy.
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

I think of…
the 4 brats,
Though it is easy to condemn them,
I see a bit (maybe much more) of them in me
if I search my heart at the innermost place:
greed, pride, self-centeredness and obsession with the unreal.

I think like Wonko …
God has prepared terrible lessons
to purge these out of me.

My Closest ‘Friend’

I used to feel terribly disconnected and isolated when I was without my friends. Sadly, this is no longer the situation and there is a new norm in my life. I left my ‘closest friend’ at home this morning and I am ‘out of touch’ with rest of the world. It is frightening how uneasy and uncomfortable I can be without it!

Please send me an email or text me in FB if you need to contact me urgently.

Pain & Sorrow – 40 Years

40 years passed in a blink of an eye. As I take stock and reflect on my fleeting journey, I feel that I have seemingly wasted my life away. What constitutes a meaningful life with no regrets? Interestingly, the things I remember with great fondness are those that brought the deepest pain and sorrow to my heart.

I think of a time
when I was young,
when I found no love from anyone
and felt so abandoned and unwanted
on this lonely planet,
when I looked into the night sky everyday
and wondered if there is Anyone out there
for me.

I remember the first time,
when I wanted to do
my very best in a test
and I failed miserably,
the hurt and the shame
that I am not good enough.

I think of the loss
when I first started
looking for employment,
when I browsed thru
all the job adverts
and found no suitable job,
the realisation that
I was not qualified
for the jobs I desire.

I remember the embarrassment
when I was down to my last cent,
but had too much pride
to go to my parents for help.

I recall the pain
of being rejected
by someone I treasure
despite me giving my all.

Though we value and prefer
those moments of joy,
it is our saddest and darkest moments
that shaped us and
made us who we are.

I think of the movie ‘Inside Out’. We seek to preserve our happiness
and keep sadness away from our core memory. We find the ‘sadness’ emotion such a burden and deem it unnecessary. But without the ability to be sad, we became unfeeling and ‘unhuman’.

Most importantly, pain and sadness is the most effective emotion that can draw me back to that Someone who understands and cares for me and my heart is at peace when I find my rest in Him.

‘I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.’ John 16:33

Can you Love Me With the Love from Above?

Why does your love
fluctuate according to
the effort I put into
my studies?

Why is it that
I should seek to do
my best in all that I do
even in a seemingly
meaningless worksheet
that does not interest me
in the slightest?

Why is shouting and screaming
your best resource to
persuade and ‘motivate’ me
to do your bidding?
Do you really think
I only respond to
your fiery threats and stares?

You preach about the
importance of perseverance,
long suffering and patient,
but your actions are anything but!
Should not your love be
unconditional and enduring?

I desire to be loved for who I am
not what I can do or become.
I desire to know if your love
towards me is
unfailing and unchangeable.
I seek after the freedom
of the knowledge that
I am your beloved regardless.
Can you love me like the way
God loves us?

“Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?… No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 8:35, 37-39 NLT

Woe to Me – Haze

Living in a hazy environment for weeks, I began to build up a resistance and ability to cope with breathing in air of inferior quality. As my initial fears and concern are ebbing away, I become somewhat numbed and insensitive to the psi level.

Wow to me, I am ruined. For we have a neighbour who claimed that we should stop complaining and be thankful for 11 months of fresh air.

Living in a competitive and ‘free’ society in Singapore, my belief and values are constantly challenged. Am I as sensitive to injustice, cruelty and sin as a year ago? Am I too obsessed with gaining a degree of financial independence and deem it of greater importance than spending quality time with my loved ones and God?

““Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”” Isaiah 6:5

May we be as mindful about the condition of our hearts as the air we breathe. As we pray and pant for clean and fresh air, may our souls long after thee.

‘Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.’ Matt 5:6.

MY DILEMMA

I want to trust you,
I really, really do.

But…
I find it hard when
you require all civil servants
to declare their assets
and you don’t.

I find it hard to believe
all 77 voted ‘yes’ to a proposal
most of us have difficulties
coming to terms with.

I find it hard to trust that
you can understand our plight
when what you earn in a month
takes most of us years.

The opposition may be far from perfect,
but I find it safer to have them nonetheless.
Like our defence strategy,
the balance of power,
our peace and security
is most assured by ensuring
no dominant force exists in the region.

Things Money Can’t Resolve

Money can resolve many issues in life. However, there are issues which throwing money at a problem is not going to help in the slightest. With regards to national issues, I can think of a few examples that monetary incentive or deterrence is detrimental to most.

The cash gift for the baby bonus has been increased significantly in an attempt to encourage Singaporeans to have babies. While parents welcome the extra incentive, most ‘responsible’ parents are not going to have more children because of it. They know the cost and sacrifice involved.

So who is likely to be moved by such an increase? Is there a chance that this cash bonus is going to tempt those who are irresponsible to give birth to more, for the $8000-10000? Worse still, the previous baby bonus scheme stops at 4 children. Now irresponsible parents can have as many as they want to enjoy the cash gift! Can you imagine the social problem that this will lead to?

We can all agree that there is a need to limit the number of cars. What I find very hard to accept is the current COE bidding system. COE is an entitlement, but an entitlement for the rich. Those who can afford it can have as many cars as they would like and the lower and middle income gp have to complete with them. Can you imagine HDB application using such a system? Why can’t we have a category for those with real needs? The physically challenged, those with elderly and 3 children?

This problem solving approach is also the basis for the increase in the ministers’ pay. We can’t attract people of high calibre with ‘low’ wages, so we increase it to match the top 1000 of the population. My question is will this attract people who are capable and have a heart to serve our country or …